The Art of Starting Over

Hayden McKenna dropped the speed of his dually truck to a crawl at twenty miles an hour when he pulled within the city limits of Oyster Bay, his hometown and a place he never thought he’d move back to. The once-a-year visits had been plenty to appease his parents, especially since they preferred to travel now that they were both retired and had nothing holding them down.

He drove across the bridge slowly, angling his head in every direction to make sure the camper he towed behind his truck had clearance. Normally, once he was across, he’d turn right and head through the heart of town, but with the size of his truck and the extra cargo behind him, he was liable to get stuck. With no choice but to take the long way around, Hayden readjusted in his seat once he’d cleared the bridge and mentally calculated another fifteen minutes to the piece of land he’d bought a few months back. There he’d unhitch and then head to his parents’ place, even though it was getting late.

Conor, Hayden’s nine-year-old son, stirred in the passenger seat. Hayden watched his son out of the corner of his eye, waiting to see if he’d wake. Conor yawned, then rubbed his eyes, and then ran his hand through his short dishwater-blond hair. Hayden had taken him to get it cut before they made the cross-country trip, in time to start at his new school. It had been the first time he’d done so since Conor was a baby, when his wife, Sofia, had made his first haircut a huge celebration.

“Where are we?” he asked groggily.

“Almost there,” Hayden said in the darkened cab of the truck.

“To Grandma’s?”

“Shortly. We have to drop the camper off first.”

Conor looked behind them. Hayden did the same through the rearview. Everything they owned was in the back of the truck. The important things were in the extended cab. The camper held their clothes and whatever household supplies Hayden had kept or could fit in there. He’d live in the camper on the piece of land and break ground on their new home, while Conor would live with his grandparents. As much as Hayden hated to admit it, he needed help with his son. The single-parent life was hard, and the past year had proved he couldn’t do it alone.

Conor sighed and straightened. “I miss Mom.”

“Me too,” Hayden said automatically. It’d been his response every time Conor said it. The truth was, as much as he missed his wife, he was angry with her. Her death could’ve been prevented if she had called him for a ride home.

Hayden turned slowly and drove a half mile until the empty lot came into view. He turned and pressed the gas until his front tires slowly climbed the curb and repeated the action until the camper was on the land. In the dusk of twilight, Hayden unhitched and secured his temporary home and then drove over to his parents’ house.

As soon as he pulled up, Conor was out of the truck and running toward his grandmother, who stood at the top of her porch with outstretched arms. Hayden parked and took his sweet time getting out of the truck, pausing to gather their overnight bags.

“Hayden,” his mother said as he approached the porch.

“Hey, Mom.” Darcy McKenna hugged her son and let him go only when Hayden’s father, Lee, interrupted. “Hey, Dad.”

Lee and Darcy McKenna were well-known and well-liked pillars of the community; not a soul in town didn’t know and love the McKenna family. Lee had been the town doctor and Darcy his nurse. Both were born and raised in Oyster Bay. Darcy was petite, with blond hair and bright-blue eyes, while Lee was a bit taller than the average person, with light-brown hair and hazel eyes. Since retirement, he liked his beer, but his beer didn’t like him much and went right to his waistline.

His parents hadn’t been able to make Sofia’s funeral. They were on a cruise in Europe, and by the time they received Hayden’s message, they hadn’t had enough time to get to Wyoming for the service.

“Need me to get anything from the truck?” Lee asked.

“Nah, we’re good. Hungry, though. Right, sport?”

“Sure,” Conor said as he headed inside.

Darcy sneaked under her son’s arm, placed one arm along his back, and patted his stomach with her free hand. “Food, we have.”

“That’s about all he wants these days,” Hayden said as they made their way inside.

The house Hayden grew up in had drastically changed over the years. Long gone were the wood-paneled walls, mustard-colored carpet, and aged linoleum. Five years ago, the McKennas had gutted their house from top to bottom and created an open-concept living space in grays, whites, and shades of blue. They’d remodeled the bathrooms with walk-in showers and a soaking tub in the primary. When all was said and done, the property value skyrocketed, which made Lee happy. This home was the one thing he owned, and no one could take it away from him.

Conor sat at the island bar, munching on chips and drinking a soda, knowing full well that doing so was against the rules. Hayden eyed him and said nothing. There was no point in arguing with his son right then. He’d give Conor one night, and then he’d enforce the rules.

“Grandma, where am I sleeping?”

“In Aunt Allie’s room,” Darcy told Conor.

Hayden’s sister lived in Los Angeles, enjoying the single life and vowing never to get married or have kids. Allie’s room was a room in name, a place to direct visitors to instead of saying “Upstairs, third door on your right.”

“When you finish, you need to brush your teeth,” Hayden told Conor. “It’s going to take some time for me to find you a dentist. I don’t need your teeth rotting out of your head.”

Conor rolled his eyes but agreed. Eye-rolling was such a nine-year-old thing to do. Hayden cared only when Conor sassed back, which thankfully wasn’t often. His son was sad, and there wasn’t much Hayden could do except be there for him.

When Conor finished his snack, he grabbed his bag and headed upstairs. Once Hayden heard the bathroom door shut, he let out a long sigh.

“That bad?” Darcy asked. Hayden nodded.

“Sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if Sofia had died from cancer or something.”

“Probably,” Lee said. “Then at least you can say goodbye.”

“And not be so pissed off all the time.” Hayden tugged on his hair and groaned.

“Things will get better,” Darcy said. “You both need to heal and find some semblance of normal. You can do that here and start anew.”

While Hayden knew his mother was right, words were easier said than adhered to. “I’m worried how he’s going to fit in.”

“He’ll be fine,” Lee said. “There are plenty of kids his age, and baseball season is right around the corner. He hasn’t missed tryouts.”

“Yeah.” Hayden went to the refrigerator, opened the door and looked around, and then closed it. “Any beer?” he asked as he looked at his dad.

“I’m supposed to tell you no, but you know better than that.” Lee rubbed his hand over his midsection. “If you promise to go running with me tomorrow, I’ll show you where the beer is.”

Hayden laughed. “Sure, Dad.”

“Come to my office,” Lee said as he walked to the back door.

“Tell Conor I’ll be up in a minute to say good night,” Hayden said to his mom as he followed his dad to the garage.

Out the back door, he stepped onto a wide, wooden deck with five white rockers. From here, they had a view of the bay. During the summer and into the early-fall months, cruise ships passed by as they headed into port. Hayden took the stairs to the paved walkway and went into the side door of the garage.

“We’re thinking of building an apartment up there,” Lee said as he pointed upward. He popped the top on a bottle of beer and handed it to his son. For being a two-car garage, it was spotless. Even with his parents’ cars parked in there, they had enough space to move around without bumping into something or having to move the vehicles out. The size was a rarity for Oyster Bay, but when Lee had purchased the lot next to the house, he’d increased the lot size and had a nice garage constructed.

“Are you hurting for money or something?”

Lee shook his head and took a drink of his own bottle. “Nah, just trying to help the community out. The housing shortage is hitting hard. I’m thinking of going into land development. We need affordable housing.”

“It’s the cost of building materials,” Hayden said. “When I saw the construction bill for my house, I about lost it.”

“This damn economy.” Lee shook his head again. “You going to drink that?”

Hayden studied the label. The beer was from a local brewery. “Wait, is this Colt’s?” Colt Crowley had been Hayden’s best friend in high school. They were still friends, but they saw each other only when Hayden came to visit.

Lee chuckled. “Yep. He opened about five months ago and took over the Lazy Lamb.”

“No shit. Huh, how come no one said anything?” As soon as he asked, he knew why. Because for the past six months, he’d been mourning his wife, and everyone had treated him with kid gloves. No one felt they could tell him about their lives because his had changed drastically in the blink of an eye. “Right.” Hayden took a sip and nodded. “Not bad.”

“You’ll have to go to see him tomorrow for lunch.”

“Definitely will, but right now, I need to go inside and tuck my son in.”noveldrama

The men went back into the house. Hayden set his beer down while avoiding eye contact with his mom, and he took the stairs two at a time and headed into his sister’s old room. Conor lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Hayden tapped his son’s leg, a request for him to move over so he could lie next to him.

For a long moment, they sat in silence, staring at the nothingness.

“Do I have to start school tomorrow?”

The responsible thing would be for Hayden to say yes. “No,” he told Conor. “But we’ll go in, get you registered, and hopefully meet your teacher. Then on Monday, fresh start.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I have no idea, bud. It’s just a saying.”

“It’s stupid.”

“Yep.” There wasn’t anything fresh about having to start over. But here they were, living back in Hayden’s hometown because he wanted his parents around to help raise Conor. In hindsight, if it hadn’t been for Sofia, Hayden never would’ve left Oyster Bay.

“Can we get a dog?”

Hayden liked the idea. “After the house is finished?”

“Why do we have to wait?”

“Well, because you’re living here and I’m going to live in the camper.”

Conor turned onto his side and draped his arm over Hayden’s midsection. “Why can’t you stay here?”

Hayden rested his hand on top of Conor’s. The only reason he planned to stay in the camper was for space. He hated the idea of living at home, especially at almost forty. He felt like a failure, even though he couldn’t do anything to change what had happened.

“Grandpa said baseball tryouts are coming up. We can drive to the city to get some new cleats. I think last year’s are too small. Your glove is with mine, in the back of the truck. Wanna toss the ball around tomorrow?”

Hayden felt Conor shrug. “What if I don’t want to play?”

“Well,” Hayden said with a sigh. “I’d be sad because I really like watching you play. I think you’re really good. But, ultimately, it’s up to you.”

“You played for the team here?”

Hayden nodded. “Yep, from the time I was five until I graduated high school.”

“Then you met Mom?”

“Yeah, I did. But she’s not why I stopped playing,” he told his son. Hayden had gone to college to play, but his heart wasn’t in it.

“Was it because of me?”

“Of course not,” he said. “When I got to college, things changed. I met your mom and realized I wanted a different life.”

“Do you think she can see us?”

Hayden’s throat tightened. “Sure do. She’s watching us. Definitely you, Conor. Your mom loved you more than anything.”

“I love her too.”

“Yeah, bud. Me too. Close your eyes,” he told Conor. “We have a big day tomorrow.”

Instead of leaving, Hayden stayed next to his son and closed his own eyes. When he opened them again, rays of sunshine came through the window, and he was alone.